The Portfolios

Here we present Imani’s Bowling Weekly, a semi-regular newsletter about our favorite blue-collar pastime.

Greetings and Salutations All,

For those of you who don’t know, this publication, The Bowling Weekly, was created to honor the special feelings that arise from one of our most beloved of pastimes, bowling.

Here, we strive to articulate the true spirit of bowling and what it brings to us every time we lace up those undercoverably fashionable (‘see disclaimers’ at end) shoes and go through the rows of publicly shared balls to find that just right one.

We also aim to exhibit the real art and uniqueness imbibed within every toss of a ball down the lane. Sometimes when the balls hits the pins it inspires certain imagery which we try to channel into words in the section of the newsletter called **The Names of Beautiful Individual Bowls That Were Witnessed**. Sometimes we relay interestingly funny quotes from participants of different bowling sessions. And sometimes we just bore and/or confuse others. If you are bored and/or confused after reading this email, please let me know and it’ll be taken care of.

In honor of Candice’s Bowling Birthday Bash, here are **The Names of Beautiful Individual Bowls That Were Witnessed** last weekend.

Cheers!

Imani aka J. Ferguson (last week’s bowling name. They change every week)

PS – you can scroll down and find the past editions of the bowling weekly if you need further frame of reference for what the hell is going on here.

**The Names of Beautiful Individual Bowls That Were Witnessed**

1. the “leaving the party” aka “ahem, excuse me, yes” : one pin skidded ever so politely from left to right between two other pins, one in front and behind, without knocking them down or disturbing them in any way. That asshole.
2. No Doubt: Peter Leckerling made sure every pin was down with one millisecond of the ball hitting the first pin by virtue of the speed and power of the delivery. Solid.
3. The Hammy: Imani pulled up short on the hamstring after doing a failed gazelle-esque follow-through type motion. Minor massage therapy was needed later that night…
4. The Centerfuge [sic]: the resulting fracas created by the ball’s impact resembled a particularly angular and symmetrical whirlwind that caused double the contact and self-destruction of the pin formation in a determinedly circular motion. And finally…
5. “The Snake” aka Sophie’s Saturdaynight Sideslice!: an unbelievable motion on the ball, going from left to right and back again (and back again) as the ball left her hand and went down the lane to knock down all but one of the baffled pins awaiting in fear. While backspin and topspin were both present, also detectable was the faint lines of chi running from Sophie’s outstretched hand on the follow-through directly to the ball’s core….and then directly to the bottle of baijiu behind her

And a new section has been added to the newsletter entitled

**Most Ridiculous Moment of the Bowling Session**

This was when Michael Ferchak invented a new, very special kind of Beautiful Individual Bowl entitled “tHE dIGITAL cHOCOLATE” when he inexplicably, sincerely, clandestinely, and utterly tried to force his thumb bone up Jarret Wristey’s hind orifice at the height of Jarrett’s swing resulting in a total finger dislocation. We’re still looking for the finger. Jarrett?

-disclaimers-

1. yes we try to make up new words and flout the grammatical rules of English whenever possible

2. attempts at humor may or may not reach their mark or be funny to anyone other than the author

Until next week….keep those rocks a’flowin’!!